Sanderlin would appear to disagree with those who urge that couples not be hard on themselves for getting angry with each other. “Our marital communications can be a loving marital art instead of a fighting martial art,” he states. He holds firmly that couples do not “have to settle for anger, fighting and other hurtful conflict” in their marriage relationship and marital communication. I found Sanderlin’s thoughts about anger compelling. Still, at various points the book offers advice that I found quite practical for couples at different stages in the marriage journey - advice about handling money well or viewing problems as opportunities for growth, for example. Obviously, this book differs considerably from many current books on marriage that propose strategies for resolving conflicts at home, improving communication, recognizing that each spouse is unique or identifying ways for wives and husbands to spend more time together.Ī goal for Sanderlin is to improve upon “today’s conventional problem-centered marriage guidance” through his book’s “Christian growth-centered marriage guidance.” Sanderlin’s approach also could make his book useful in parish discussion groups interested in exploring the value of the Christian virtues for marriage. I could imagine all or part of the book being used as a text by older students.
Given the book’s analytical approach, I couldn’t help wondering if it is based on classes this retired college professor taught. The book leads readers step-by-step through an examination of “the Christian way to be happily married by following Jesus in the biblical sense of becoming like Jesus in our moral character and conduct, with love, wisdom and other Christian virtues during our ordinary marriage and family activities.” It starts with an examination of early romantic love and finally progresses to a discussion of “Christ-like transforming love.” “We can become increasingly virtuous, Christ-like persons in our own home by acting with love, wisdom and other Christian virtues in our busy marriage and family life.” “We do not need to retreat to a monastery, convent or mountain cabin for prayer, fasting and a traditional contemplative life in order to become increasingly virtuous, Christ-like persons,” says Sanderlin. The author is convinced that by pursuing an authentically virtuous life it is possible to become transformed as a person – transformed in ways that make all the difference in the world for a marriage. “The time is right for more emphasis upon Christian virtues in our marriage guidance,” David Sanderlin writes in “The Christian Way to Be Happily Married.”
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